


Jeremy C is One Thicc Bih

by jambon



Category: Britain - Fandom, Jeremy Corbyn - Fandom, Labour - Fandom, Labour Party - Fandom, Politics - Fandom
Genre: Brexit, British Politics, Fluff, Jam, Jam au, Jeremy C is on every thicc bih, Labour party, Politics, Young people voting, one thicc bih
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-07 04:23:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12833211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jambon/pseuds/jambon
Summary: Ever since the Labour Party, headed by Jeremy Corbyn, lost the June 2017 election to Theresa May and her evil Tories, Jeremy has been spending a lot of time making jam and just generally being One Thicc Bih





	Jeremy C is One Thicc Bih

‘Jeremy C, is one thicc bih, he got, young people to vote’

Jezza sings this over and over again as he gets dressed, all the while inspecting himself in the floor to ceiling mirror he has erected in his bedroom. As he deftly ties his red polyester tie he turns around, but angles himself so he can see his ample booty. He nods in appreciation, ‘one thicc bih,’ he holds the note on bih for longer than usual, adding emphasis to the thiccness.

Not that there’s anyone to hear. A tear leaks from Jeremy’s swollen left duct. He reaches up, putting a finger in the sticky trail left by the tear. He puts it in his mouth, his tongue sticking out to taste the pink substance. Jam. More specifically, Jezza’s Jam. Jeremy looks around to the bed, where dozens of empty jars of sweet, raspberry jam lie. Some have lids, some lie toppled on their sides, some are upright and propped up against the pillows, but all are licked clean of any trace of Jezza’s Jam.

More jammy tears leak out of Jeremy’s eyes, staining his face a fetching magenta. Turning back towards the gold rimmed mirror, he continues tying his tie, sticky fingers making it even more tricky than it already was. Jezza’s wife used to do that for him. Now, since she left him a few months ago, he has to do it himself. ‘He got, young people to vote.’ Oh, the irony of it all. Not enough people, young or old, had voted labour in the previous election. Jezza had lost his chance at Prime Minister, his wife and his will to live in the space of a few short weeks.

Now, he is a jam maker and internet celebrity, with a large following on snapchat. He sighs. More jam leaks out, now on his tie, his shirt. All he eats is jam nowadays. His wife used to do all the cooking too, and all Jeremy knows how to make is his iconic, own recipe Jezza’s Jam. For the last couple of months, it’s all he’s eaten. He guesses that’s why he’s been so thicc recently, Jam isn’t exactly the healthiest of food stuffs. Especially Jezza’s Jam, made from minimal fruit and maximum sugar.

Jezza sighs again, and finishes tying his still stylish, if Jam stained, red tie. There, done. ‘Jeremy C, is one thicc bih, he got, young people to vote.’ He looks in the mirror one more time. Maybe he’ll win the election next time.

**Author's Note:**

> To yall uneducated folks in the colonies, Jeremy Corbyn does indeed make Jam since losing the snap election to Theresa May and run a pretty lit snapchat, however he does still do political events and will probably run for prime minister next general election. Oh and he’s still married.
> 
> Link to the song that inspired this whole thing- https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EBdSv1kIV0A


End file.
